Conversations with My Muse: Humor

About time you got here!

Yea, sorry about that, had to sleep in a bit.

Oh? Anything ya wanna share?

No and yes. No, I’m not sharing anything that happened this morning. And yes, I slept in because I couldn’t sleep last night.

OH? A real marathon sex session or something?

No, not at all! I found a website last night that had me up for hours…

Again, with the ‘sex theme’…

No, ya perv — sheesh!

Sorry…I’m still a little hungover from my time spent with Rico. Half a bottle of ouzo and some saganaki, and the rest of the night was a big blur. Gotta admit that guy can pack away his ouzo.

Oh yea, how did that go?

It went great, at first.  The guy seemed really sincere — had me help him with some sonnets. I guess he’s getting ready to move his relationship forward a nudge or two.

I sense a “but” coming here…

Yea, unfortunately.

What happened?

Well, it appears I might have “misread” him just a tad.

How so?

While he went out to get us a couple packs of cigs, I looked around his place a little bit.

So you went snooping…kinda not cool, ya know

I wasn’t snooping, I was “interpreting”

Explain the difference.

Well, if I’m going to be helping him, I needed to know what made the guy’s romantic buzzer go off.

What do you mean by that?

Romantic buzzer — what turns the guy on. I do that with all my humans.

You do? Holy crap, that means you’ve been interpreting me as well?

No, with you, I just flat out “tromp”. Your thoughts are as clear as mud some days, you know that? Getting a read from you is like asking a hummingbird if it feels “skitterish”.

Gee, thanks.

That’s not an insult, by the way. I love those jobs where I have to sludge through the mud and goop to get to the good stuff.

Oh yea? Why?

Shows a lot of creative potential there — a real “think, do, say” kinda person. Love those types, because that’s less work for me. And to be honest, some days I’m just too damn tired or temperamental to be everything to everyone. Know what I’m saying?

Oh how I do!

So, with you, once a day chats are really all you need to get through the day. With others, well, they need a bit more hand holding. I’m not much of a clingy type either.

Gotcha. So…back to Rico….Will you two be working together now?

I’m afraid it doesn’t look promising.

Oh no, sorry to hear that. What happened?

Two words — disgusting pervert.

REALLY? Do I even want to know?

Well, knowing you and how you write — not so much. Let’s just say he wanted to explore the numerous ways to defile his body, his boyfriend’s body and some very unsuspecting poultry.

Oh EWWWWWWW. Say no more, please!

Exactly. And to think I wasted one whole day trying to help him rhyme “pancreas” with “poultry mix”. Ugh….even I have my limits here.

I guess we all must draw the line somewhere.

Exactly. Now, about today’s coffee clotch subject — what’s on the agenda?

Humor! Oh my gosh, I found a website last night during a random search that was freaking hilarious!

Oh yea? Whose is it?

Some guy named “Don”. He’s an older gent, probably somewhere in his 80’s.

What made the guy so funny?

He hates young people.

Define “young”..

I’m assuming anyone under the age of….60? I don’t know. I’m 45, so I am curious to know what he thinks of me.

Well, I certainly qualify as “old”, been around for a couple thousand years now…

Yes, yes you have. Anyways, back to Don. He writes these articles about all these things young people do to piss old people off.

And you found this funny?

I laughed so hard I had tears streaming down my cheeks, nearly pissed my pants, and my daughter came running in to the room to check if I was having a nervous breakdown.

REALLY? From just one post?

Really, it was that funny. I haven’t had a balls-out belly laugh like that in months.

Refreshing, isn’t it?

My sides ache this morning. And something tells me that’s part of the reason why I couldn’t sleep last night. I was thinking about his posts all night long. Each one was funnier than the last.

Which one caught your eye the most?

The one about fat children and heart attacks. Oh my God, the line “Just like nature intended.” That did me in — I was gone.

Hmm, guess I needed to be there, huh?


I should go look that one up. I might know his muse — I have friends in the business, ya know. We are a pretty tight knit group. I’m thinking about creating a new social network all our own — MuseSpace.

Uggggh. That’s a horrible pun.

Well, it got a groan out of you, so I think I’ll keep it.


Yes, let’s get back to the main point of this conversation — humor. Yesterday we went over your desire to write some more humor. How did that work out for you?

Eh, not so good. I had hoped for some humorous inspiration, but I ended up taking a fork in the road.

Oh? Where’d ya go instead?

I hopped over to my other blog and posted a couple things on there, if ya know what I’m sayin…

Ahhhhh…A little “slap and tickle” stuff? The “thigh sweat” stuff? Huh, huh?

Just a little…tee hee hee.

Cool! Looks like that’s becoming easier and easier for you to write about — which is the whole point of our relationship.

It is? We met so I could get laid more often?

Well, not exactly that….but you know what I mean.

Yea, I do — all part of the whole writing experience, blah, blah blah..

Exactly. But now you’re going off the rails here. Back to humor, what are you going to do about that genre?

I don’t know still. I need to read more humorous postings to get a better feel for what is funny, I guess. I know what I read last night is drawing a lot of attention from the public. Comments are flooding in for the guy!

Well, is this about chalking up comments, or enjoying the writing process?

Both, I think. I want to make others react as well.

Of course, that’s what good writers do — they make others want to read their work, and force them to react to their work. If both of those things fail, then you know what that means.

Crappy writing nobody gives a shit about.


Okay, so we have the premise behind writing humor down. I have to read more humorous writings to practice my craft. That much I know. Any other valuable tidbits of information to share?

Yes. One.

And that would be?

Write what YOU feel is funny, and write it directly from the heart. And even if someone else doesn’t find it funny to them, then so be it. It’s funny to you, and I’m sure there will be someone coming along and finding it funny to them as well. But, only if it’s genuine.

Like “Fat Bastard”?

Exactly! That one, and “Soundin’ Off” — two very good, funny poems. Because they came straight from your funny bone.


So, that it for today?

I guess so. I gotta go share the humor with my husband. He could use a good laugh too.

All righty then. Go do that, I’m off to meet with a twenty-something in Sweden. If any country is in dire need of a collective sense of humor, it’s those damn Swedes.

I’ve heard that before, too.

Hugs to you — gotta fly!

Bye, chickie.


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