Conversations with My Muse: Writing Erotica

Hey, heard you were looking for me.

I was–how’d you know?

Do we even have to go there again? So…what now? I have a few moments to chat, but I am waiting on an important email…

You’re answering email now?

Yes, I thought about what you said yesterday — the waxed tablet and stylus thing– I did some checking and apparently you’re right — those things have become so “BC” now. Who knew? So I got something called an “IPhone”

Who bought you an IPhone? Sheesh, I can’t afford one of those!

I got people…anyways, whatcha need?

Well, this subject is kinda awkward for me…

How so?

I haven’t really been able to broach the subject –ever.

Well, let’s just put it all out there and see what happens. What’s on your mind?

I’m thinking of exploring a new genre of writing, just not sure if the risks are worth it.

Risks? Writing is all about risk taking, so how is this different?

Well, I have to make sure I maintain a certain degree of anonymity. I really can’t risk my job over this.

Um, not sure I’m fully caught up. Let me grab that extra cup of coffee and we can go through this step by step…

oh, hey — new email just came in…let me check it real quick — naw, not what I’m waiting on.

Okay, where were we? Ah, coffee..liquid gold, coherence in a cup, man this is good stuff!

There you go again with the focus thing — is this a bad time for you or are you really interested in hearing what I have to say??

No. Yes.

No, yes, what?

No, it’s not a bad time and yes, I am interested in hearing what you have to say.

Oh, okay — the ADHD thing again, I got it.

Yes, stupid disorder trips me up a lot. Lack of caffeine certainly doesn’t help either — so….I better get this in my system before alarm bells start going off on my phone and I find myself traveling back to other parts of the world, half assing my way through other people’s creative writings. Hardly defines “creative musings” huh? I could lose my job real quick, especially in this economy. For every one of me, I’m sure there are millions of others just waiting to take my place.

Hey, can we please redirect this conversation back to the reason why you were asked here in the first place??? Seems we’re going a little off topic.

Ah yes…sigh..sorry — it’s so hard to —

Focus, yes, I get it. Now, WHAT do I do about this new genre I’m interested in pursuing?

You mean erotica?

Yes, erotica. It has captured my attention lately. I have discovered I enjoy the art of innuendo and conjecture. Did you see those poems I put on my blog that use those techniques?

You mean “Fat Bastard” and “Lazy B*ch”?

Yea, those.

Awesome. You knocked the cover off the ball with those — I’ve been hearing nothing but pretty good compliments over them — great job there!

Well, you helped ya know…and you’re embarrassing me here.

Helped? Naw, I just tapped your shoulder and said “think cat and dog”, you went from there. Really, you MUST take more credit for your work. I am not as powerful or deserving as you give me credit for here.

Looks like we’re going off topic again….

Okay, okay…another sip, let me check my phone one more time…nope, the gal must be running late this morning..go ahead!

So, I want to write erotica, I enjoy writing it and quite frankly, I have discovered my own writing turns me on…drives my hubby into a frenzy too.

And this is bad…how?

Well, I am not sure where to put this stuff.

Put it? Put it to use! Fire up your love life, get your freak on! Wave that freak flag high! Need a third person to join you? I experimented a bit in college myself, ya know…

Ooooh, wait a sec…I don’t do threesomes. I’m not into chicks in “that way” if you know what I mean. You’re welcome to join me any time, but I ask that you keep your toga on and your hands off while you’re here.

Hee hee hee. Of course I know what you mean, and honestly, I know you don’t swing that way. Just thought I’d shake this conversation up a bit, have a little fun, especially since the caffeine is starting to kick in..sorry, I’ll behave.

You sure do seem pretty open about a lot of things, don’t you? Guess the whole “Catholicism” thing kinda ruined it for me.  I’ve never really been comfortable talking about sex. At least not out loud to anyone.

Even your husband?

Yea, isn’t that a shame?

Sure is! We ancient Greeks, we were a lot less uptight about sex. Just something I’ve grown up exploring with an open mind. Gotta remember that we’re in a different time now.

So, what do you recommend I do about this new idea of mine?

Writing erotica? Sure, why not?

Well, where should I put it? I really am not comfortable about putting it out “there” for the world to read.

Then don’t, what’s so hard about that choice?

Well, here’s the thing…I have children — and they have access to my computer. One simple series of clicks and voila, my teenage son has a new source of material to use for…well, ya know…

Oh, I see now…ewwwww.

I am totally skeeved out by the idea too. So, what are my choices?

Well, I see you have two choices here. You can create another blog, totally anonymous, with nothing but colorful language posts. Don’t let anyone you don’t want reading it to know it exists…that’s one suggestion.

Second, you can always type what you want on the computer, edit, finalize it and print it, then erase it from the computer so your son doesn’t find it. That, to me, sounds like a lot of extra work — what with the typing and retyping and all.

I guess either one of those solutions sounds reasonable. I should look into the second blog. Are you sure it can’t be traced back to me?

I don’t think so. But hey, I’m not a muse for lawyers,  I work for writers. You might need to ask someone else here about privacy issues. Oh, hey! My email just arrived. Looks like I’m wanted in Mumbai. I have to run…

So soon? Seemed like we were just getting started…

Eh, don’t worry, I’ll check back in with you tomorrow. Maybe by that time, you’ll have made some progress on your dilemma. I’m sure it will all work out in the end.

Think so?

I know so, I’m your muse. I know what you write and based on what you’ve written so far, I’m sure you can pull this one off as well. Just make sure you’ve crossed your Ts and dotted your Is. I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble on our account.

I know what you mean. And thanks for the advice. I’ve really enjoyed the time together this morning.

Anything else?

Naw, I think I’m good for now. Maybe this afternoon I might need a swift kick in the pants though. Who knows?

Ha ha! That’s funny…Okay, gonna take off — give me hugs, woman…



2 Responses to Conversations with My Muse: Writing Erotica

  1. I love these conversations! regarding tracing…yes, they can be (ask me how in email). talk soon.

  2. Oh and … use a portable hardrive or USB key.

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