Okay, I’ve had it with you,
you fat bastard.
For twelve years now, I’ve put up with your crap.
The constant “in your face” behavior
The endless yelling and demanding.
You glare at me constantly
Hovering over my shoulder
When I’m on the computer
taking some much needed “me” time
and minding my business.
Getting directly in my face
When all I’m trying to do is take
fifteen minutes to read the newspaper
Just to bitch about something else
You need, or want, or insist on me doing
Right this very second.
You don’t give a crap
About what I think
or need from you
You only think of yourself —
And what YOU want.
Do you know the kids laugh at you?
Do you know the kids call you names
Behind your back?
Ugly, demeaning names like “Fatso” “Tubbo”
“Lazy Slug” and “Blobbo”
And you don’t even seem to care.
Well, they call you those names
because you ARE fat and lazy!
You eat all the time!
And never do a single thing
to help us out around here.
Eat, complain, hover,
eat more, and then take a nap
whenever you so desire.
You force us to answer your every
whim and desire.
You make us do what YOU want,
otherwise you threaten to hurt us
if we don’t.
We have to watch our steps around you
You enjoy trying to trip us when we walk
Or go up and down the stairs.
Because you think it’s funny
And you can do this so easily
Especially at night when we don’t see you
hanging out in our hallway
Watching us while we sleep.
Well, you big pussy, I’m not arguing with you
You want to talk to me?
Then you better learn to speak “human”
Because I ain’t learning how to speak “cat”.